With winter still being in felt in parts of Europe, Georgian pensioner Hayastan Shakarian, was out gathering and collecting firewood when by accident she cut through the fibre-optic cables connecting Georgia and neighbouring Armenia to the Internet. In today’s connected world, it has become inconceivable and not easily tolerated for a nation to be disconnected from the Interweb. When such occurrences take place, the red phones start ringing and the bat signal can be seen for miles around. Batman, Gotham City needs you. In the case of Georgia and Armenia, the culprit was not the Joker nor the Riddler, but an old age pensioner staving off the cold. In the blink of a KAPPOW, WHACK, CRUNCH, AND BANG, a little old lady armed with nothing more than an orange saw, literally single-handedly caused havoc in two countries. Was this the work of a new villain or some cunning secret agent planning to take both countries off the grid? Or as the terrified OAP is claiming, that this was all a terrible and ghastly mistake. “I have no idea what the Internet is,” she told reporters. As Shakarian told AFP that she was just a “poor old woman” who was not capable of committing such a crime. “I did not cut this cable. Physically, I could not do it,” she said, repeatedly bursting into tears as she spoke. Unfortunately, her pleas fell on deaf ears, as the Georgian Interior Ministry was, at the time of writing, planning to throw the full force of the law at her. According to them, Ms. Shakarian had confessed to cutting the fibre-optic cable, and so should be duly punished. What methods were used to elicit this confession we can only imagine. Possibly the threat of taking away her bus pass, or even worse, confiscating her trusted saw, had the desired effect. Georgian Railway Telecom, who owns the fiber cable, explained that the damage was so serious that it caused 90 per cent of private and corporate Internet users in neighbouring Armenia to lose access for nearly 12 hours while also hitting Georgian Internet service providers. “My mother is innocent. She is crying all the time. She is so scared,” said her son, Sergo Shakarian. In the end, whether Ms. Shakarian is convicted or simply cast as a villain, the punishment needs to fit the crime. As Robin, the Boy Wonder, undoubtedly would have exclaimed at these farcical events, “Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, Batman!”